i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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