this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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