Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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