This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
