You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
