RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
