last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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