this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
