i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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