How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
