Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
