i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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