Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
