Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
