My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
