Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
