So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
