this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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