Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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