as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
