i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
