hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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