It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
