i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
