He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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