i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
meet me or not, i'm out of control
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
