My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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