The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
