so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
