Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You made out with two different species that night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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