There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
