I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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