I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
