Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
