hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
