he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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