I seem to have left my pride at pride
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
