Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
