You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
