I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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