you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
