i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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