is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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