Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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