I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
