I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I won't apologize to a one balled man
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Randomize
