who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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