smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
