As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
