I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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