Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
