At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
