I'm passing your future prison.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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