It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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