don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You ate ashes out of my bong
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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