life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
