they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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