So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
