sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
